#63….Take time to stop and appreciate each moment you’ve been given

Our oldest son turned 19, how can that be?

It just seemed like yesterday holding him, he was so tiny to me.

I remember chasing him as a toddler just trying to keep him safe;

It was then I started to notice a few more grey hair’s around my face.

With school starting next, things got so busy and hectic you see;

That the next time I turned around, I realized he was taller than me.

Suddenly it was time for him to graduate, and to spread his wings;

And you worry along the way, he will experience a few bumps and things.

It’s hard to stand by, and watch that take place;

But at the same time hoping you’ll be able to give him his space.

Then you wonder if you have taught him all that he needs;

But trusting that you have in order for him to succeed.

You hope the bond you’ve established will always be strong,

So that he can come to you when things may go wrong.

Communication and respect is such an important key;

To raising the great kids that you want them to be.

It seems one gets so busy in life with things we think that need to get done,

But looking back realizing we may have missed some of the most important ones.

Written by Kim Carlisle

#62….Wisdom From Teens On Aging…..

You can see you’re getting older as you look at yourself in the mirror every morning, but just in case you need a gentle reminder, God provides you with teenagers to do it!  As I was in the kitchen making dinner, Rob was measuring our boys.  One is a little over 6’ 3”, and the other is over 6’ 1”.  Rob said that the boys have him beat by a few inches now.

I asked him what happened, because when we got married he was 6’ 2”, and now he was only 6’.  Of course the boys piped up to tell me that everybody knows when you get older you shrink.  Like duh, mom.  I had to proudly point out to them that I guess I wasn’t old yet, because I was still 5’ 2 ½”.  Then Kyle quickly adds, “Well in all reality mom, you really don’t have that much you CAN shrink”!

That boy is so mouthy, I just can’t imagine where he gets it from!  I may not have shrunk in height, but I have noticed shrinkage in other critical areas.  Getting older is not always fun, but hopefully we can manage to get there with some grace and dignity in-tact.

Written by Kim Carlisle

#61….The New Years’ Grinch

Here we are ringing in another new year, and with that some of us are making those all- important resolutions.  As the ball is heading down, and we are counting off the final moments of the previous year, we have our list all ready and a new resolve that THIS year we WILL stick to the resolutions and goals that we have made for ourselves to conquer and achieve.

The question I am posing to those who are making resolutions is this;  What makes January 1^st of any new year such a magical date?  Why when we want to change something about ourselves, or achieve a new goal, must we wait for that date?  Say we notice in July that we are gaining a little more weight than we would like, do we really need to wait until January 1^st to start losing that weight?  Loosing weight always seems the #1 resolution each New Year.

As you might have guessed by now, I am one of those that does not get the idea of setting New Years’ resolutions.  I think if you decide there are some changes you would like to make in your life, then you should work towards making them.  I wouldn’t wait until January 1^st, which statistics show, isn’t that magical a date at all.  Here are some that I found.  I did notice that the people 50 & over that meet their resolution is smaller than those in their 20’s.  I figure it is because by that age we have figured out it just isn’t worth the effort to make resolutions when we know if we haven’t changed what we wanted to by then, chances are we aren’t going to.  While the young people are still young and naive enough to believe it can still happen.

Less you think I am a total Grinch, I really am not.  Even though I don’t believe in New Years’ resolutions, I do believe that people can make positive changes in their lives.  I just don’t think they have to happen on January 1st.  And I do want to wish everyone a healthy and happy New Year, filled with peace, joy, and lots of laughter & happiness.

Written by Kim Carlisle

News Years Resolution Statistics	Data
Percent of Americans who usually   make New Year’s Resolutions	45%
Percent of people who are   successful in achieving their resolution	8%
Percent who have infrequent   success	49%
Age Success Rates	Data
Percent of people in their   twenties who achieve their resolution each year	39%
Percent of people over 50 who   achieve their resolution each year	14%
Length of Resolutions	Data
Resolution maintained through   first week	75%
Past two weeks	71%
Past one month	64%
Past six months	46%

#60….You Know You’re Reaching “Fine” Wine Status When….

I finally went to the optometrist to have my eyes checked.  I’ve needed to get it done for some time, but when it seems like your whole life revolves around one doctor’s appointment after another, the optometrist is one of those appointments that gets put on the back burner.  Apparently I had left it on the back burner to simmer a little longer than I had thought, because when the doctor got out my chart he informed me it has been 4 years since my last exam.

He of course asked me if I had any noticeable changes in my eyesight lately.  I said “Let’s see, if putting my glasses on top of my head to read, or if I am in public trying to read underneath my glasses makes up any changes, then you will have to check a big old X in that box”.

He looked at me closely and inquired if my glasses were the same ones that I had worn 4 years ago because they looked brand new.  I proudly told him yes they were.  He was not as impressed that my glasses were in such great shape after 4 years of wear and tear, but rather that I was still able to see.  He reminded me that he had specifically told me the last time that I saw him that I needed to get “transitional” lenses!

I tried explaining to him that 4 years ago when he made that suggestion, I was not quite ready to “transition” into embracing the sentiment that I was getting old.  When the doctor asked me why I was willing to get them now I was able to give him a valid explanation.  Since I have had these last 4 years to process the information (and I am about to turn 50), it has allowed me to come to terms with the knowledge that I am getting old whether I like it or not.  This turn of events has brought me to a point in my life where I am now able to go ahead with the purchase of “transitional” lenses.  My one consolation was that the doctor wouldn’t believe that I was turning 50, and he could even see.  BONUS!!!! 😀

Maybe with better vision my driving will vastly improve.  I won’t have to worry about my hubby having a heart attack or stroke while riding shot-gun.  He won’t be white-knuckling the dash-board while stomping on the floor-board, praying somehow a brake-pad will miraculously appear over on his side.  It never seems to bother or stress me out when I’m driving, but he always gets so nervous.

I’m afraid I will miss my old lenses though.  Everything has been in “soft” focus while looking through them.  Now that I will have fantastic vision I will be able to see every grey hair, and every new wrinkle that is sure to develop.  That will really suck! 😦

Maybe “bi-focals” or “transitional” lenses or whatever they are called now, won’t be so bad after all.  It seems in life one is always in some sort of “transitional” phase.  The hope of all this change is that we will eventually come out better and stronger in the end.

Written by Kim Carlisle

#59….You Have The Right To Remain Nude…. Maybe

   You know how our Constitution gives us many liberties and rights?  Well, there are some that should remain private.  Like say the right to sleep nude.  Yes, I know it is an individual’s right to do so, but when that right encroaches on another then it should be re-examined.

Take the case of my son.  He has decided that it is his preferred method of sleeping.  Now normally this would not be a problem, except when it comes time to waking him up.  Recently I sent one of my other son’s to do the wake-up call.  He asked me if he could just throw something at him.  Of course I told him “no”, that would not be polite.

He rapidly came down to inform me that I had just ruined his child-hood, and scarred him for life.  In my concern for him, I did ask why?  He informed me that he had just been “mooned” by his brother, (that is a sight that no-one should have to witness), and that I should have just let him throw something at him!  I told him that was why I started sending other people.  Let me tell you as a mother, when it happens that you see your grown son in all his “glory”….  the first instinct is to gouge your eyes out.  Then secondly, never repeat that same mistake again!

I have talked to our son to let him know that there are some places where this “freedom” is probably best not advertised.  I can only hope that the message will sink in.  I am praying that I do not turn on the news to see that a very prestigious Catholic University has had a fire alarm go off in the night.  I can just hear the news reporter now, “And as the students were quickly filing out of the dorm, there was one student seen ‘streaking’ across the campus.”

I will then know who it was, and guess he has not conformed to more stringent regulations.

P.S. I have been recently informed that he has conceded to wearing boxers to bed.

Written by Kim Carlisle

#58….Trying To Attain “Super Model” Status

     Now I understand that this will be a very controversial post, but I will just let it rip anyway.  It seems there has always been opposing views about evolution vs. creation.  I don’t know which side of the fence you tend to lean towards, but I think that’s a choice one makes for themselves.

I have always tried to teach our boys to think for themselves, and that adults do not always have the correct answers.  I think as parents we do our kids a great disservice, when we instruct them that they always have to obey an adult.  I think we should teach our children to respect adults, but at the same time give our kids the ability to let them know that they have permission to disagree with an adult, and don’t have to blindly follow or obey anything that adults tell them to do, especially if your child feels it is wrong.

This brings me to our son who was taking Biology.  He was passing with straight A’s, when he suddenly started failing.  I immediately called a meeting with his teacher to figure out what was wrong.  Come to find out, our son started failing because he did not agree with the theory of evolution.  Boy, did I open a can of worms when I challenged the curriculum.  I guess in schools here, they only teach the theory of evolution (because it is the only “scientifically” correct theory), and no opposing theories.  I had no problem with them teaching my son the theory of evolution, but felt they should give equal time teaching differing theories, and then let the kids choose for themselves.  They told me parents in the past had raised the same concerns, but had never challenged the curriculum. (I’m wondering if any of those parents had red hair?).

I questioned them if we weren’t also trying to raise students with character.  And here was a student willing to stand up for something he believed in, knowing he was facing ridicule by going against the popular opinion of his class.  They informed me, that teaching creation was bringing “religion” into the class-room.  I said to them that I felt teaching evolution was also bringing “religion” into the class-room in the form of atheism which some people also consider a “religion”.  Furthermore, it takes just as much faith to believe in evolution as it does creation.  I told them if they wanted to believe they had evolved from an ape or monkey, more power to them, but personally I didn’t think that I had (contrary to some people’s opinions).  Secondly, if we are always evolving, I certainly haven’t noticed any signs of its progression, because I have looked, and if it had taken place, I should have evolved into a freakin’ super model by now!  And last time I looked in the mirror, it hasn’t happened yet!

We did hammer out a good compromise.  They allowed our son to put that he did not believe in evolution, but believed in creation, but in order to satisfy the school’s curriculum on homework questions or tests, he would write, “the answer according to the author of the book is” …….   He finished Biology with an “A”.  Our other two sons went through the same course, and it didn’t seem to bother them.  They thought evolution was silly, but it was not an issue for them.  I felt we had given our sons the tools to evaluate the information for themselves, and figure out what issues were of importance to them.  For our one son, it was an important issue to him, and I was proud that he was willing to stand up, think for himself (even though it was not a popular decision), and stick to what he believed in.

We do want to raise our kids as leaders, and not followers.  We want them to think about what someone is teaching them (be it a teacher, someone in authority, or a peer), and have them decide for themselves how valid the information is.  And last, but not least, sadly, I still have not attained “super” model status.  Hopefully one day that will come!

Written by Kim Carlisle

#57….Is Your Wife Crazy?!

      Sometimes a woman’s best therapy comes from getting her hair done.  I believe there are a couple of reasons for this: #1- You just feel a lot better after getting your hair cut, and #2- if you know your hairstylist well (I have known mine for over 10 years now), you gain a lot of insightful information.  For some time now, I have begun to think that I might be odd, unusual, or going crazy. (I don’t need confirmation, or any kind of comments from any of you on that subject!)

I know that most of you men think that all we women do is gossip while getting our hair done.  But on this occasion, our conversation turned towards going through menopause.  Since my hair stylist and I are both going through it at the same time, and experiencing the same symptoms, I realized that maybe I was not as crazy as I thought.  I don’t know about the majority of women out there, but for me, menopause sucks!  There are many symptoms, and yes, you can get some help with them, but it doesn’t stop it from taking over your life anyway.  There are hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, fatigue (probably due to the insomnia-just an uneducated guess), head-aches, and joint pain which sucks for me, because I have those with my fibro too, so I get a double whammy.

Now men, these next symptoms I am going to state, really were on the list.  I’m sure that you think I am just throwing these in to give us an excuse for some of our behavior, but if your wife is experiencing these, maybe check her expiration date first.  If she is young, then maybe her behavioral issues are not legit, but if she is closer to say an aged cheese or wine, then they are probably valid excuses.

1 & 2- Irritability, and Mood Swings: No, she is not mad at you, but yes maybe she is (for reasons unknown), and you are probably safer sleeping in the dog house.

3 & 4- Difficulty Concentrating, and Memory Lapses: No, she is not ignoring you, and she is trying to pay attention to you, and what you are saying, and she is feverishly trying to remember what you asked her to do.  I know one could argue old age, but I have it on scientific authority that this is just not the case.

5- Loss of Libido: I know this is the most important one of all, and the hardest one on everyone.  But just know that she still loves you, and no, she is not rejecting you, still finds you attractive, and has not found a younger man.  As one of my friends so delicately put it, after having babies, all that mileage and wear and tear, it is just broke!  I’m not quite sure when things get back to normal.  Maybe someone who is on the other side of this progression of things can help me out with that one.

I’m not quite sure why women need to go through this, it is not a super fun experience.  But a very special shout out to all you guys who put up with us, hang in there with us, stay the course, and love us through it anyway.  I take my hat off to you, and say a heart-felt thank you!

Written by Kim Carlisle

#56….Is There A Possibility That Dad May Actually Be Cool?

     So, as we were in the kitchen last night, I hear Joel tell Kyle that it was time to get the “Doomsday Shelter” ready, because the end days were upon us.  Not exactly the warm, fuzzy kind of conversation one is expecting to have with your son as you are spending some time with him.  My first thought was, have the boys actually been working on a shelter that I was not aware of?  And secondly, do we really need to head down into it right away?  To explain the urgency of the situation, I have to roll the clock back about 8 hours.

Rob had a lunch function with his colleagues at work.  As he was heading out the door, I just asked the simple question, “Are you really going to wear that?”.  He responded that indeed he was.  Now, most of you may think it is none of my business what a grown man wants to wear, and in most situations you would be correct.  Rob has many fantastic qualities, but fashion would probably not be ranked among them.  For an example, while we were at one of Kyle’s football games, Rob was commenting on what one of the guys was wearing.  I must admit, it was a fashion faux pas.  The man had on a Hawaiian shirt, with light wash, faded jeans.  As Rob was informing me how unfortunate a choice that outfit was, and it didn’t really look very good on him,  I was reminding him that he had 2 Hawaiian shirts at home, and tried to wear them every chance he got!  Hence, my nervousness at his clothing choice.

I told him to get in his car, and I would meet him at the store.  After helping him with his wardrobe choice, he actually looked pretty fly ( see picture).  He headed on to his lunch, and I headed home.  So as we were all in the kitchen that evening discussing how he looked, and what his co-workers thought, Rob said the women told him that he actually looked really cool. That was what triggered Joel’s remark to Kyle that the end of the world was upon us.  Joel was stunned, first of all that his dad would be considered anywhere on the “cool” chart, and secondly that the remark would come from women!  So don’t be alarmed, we are not hunkered down today in our “Doomsday Shelter”, waiting for the end of the world to come.  The boys finally had to admit that their dad just might be a little “cool” after all. 😉

Written by Kim Carlisle

#55….Is November Over Yet?!!!

Have you ever had one of THOSE weeks?!  I’m still having mine.  It started (of all days), on Halloween, and just for kicks (of all places),at the Pain Clinic.  I love my doctor and nurses there, but it is not on my list of favorite things I enjoy doing every 6 weeks for my fibromyalgia, because it’s not a very comfortable procedure that I need to have done.  So I figured November would be a much better month for me.  When I realized that my mind must have slipped, as I seemed to recall, that I had a root canal scheduled for the next day, which just happened to land on November 1st.  I figured okay, it was on a Friday, I will just power through, get it done, and then I would be good to go.  But as luck would have it, Monday rolled around, and guess what?  A dentist appointment of all things.  Nothing too exciting, just a couple of cavities to get filled.

You know when you are sitting in the dentist chair, and he is drilling (not my favorite part I must say), and then you hear him mutter…. “that’s not so good”.  You’re trying to say huh? While your mouth is completely numb, and wide open.  I think what came out when I was trying to question the “not so good part”, was just a bunch of drool.  While we were trying to communicate (not exactly as effectively as I was hoping), I thought I heard him say that he would have to send me over to the endodontist.  I couldn’t imagine why he would even think to mention something like that, since I had just been there Friday for my root canal.  Come to find out, I needed two more root canals.

I know what you are thinking at this point, do I ever brush my teeth, and have I heard of floss?  Yes, and yes!  Come to find out, one of the side effects from the medication, (and the implant I have to help with my fibro), have a devastating effect on my teeth.  So last Monday morning saw me headed from my dentist chair, into the endodontist chair.  The endodontist informed me that he would just start on the worst one to try to ease the pain, and then finish that one, and do the second one in a few weeks.  I said okay, as I was doubly numbed and I could not feel a thing at that point.  It took 10 hours for all the Novocaine to wear off, as they had both injected me with a magnificent dose.  A few days later, my face was still extremely swollen.  I called the dentist to ask if this was normal, because I was getting worried people were starting to think that Rob had taken to beating me.  Of course the dentist told me that much swelling wasn’t normal, and I needed antibiotics to take care of the infection.  Fantastic!

Over the weekend, the pain between my fibro (which is much worse when it gets cold), and my swollen face, was so severe, I thought if I didn’t seek help quickly, I would soon be heading down the road towards an alcoholic haze.  So Monday morning, I called the endodontist about my teeth, and he said to come right in.  He seemed more than eager 🙂 to drill into my other tooth.  He did a partial root canal (like he had done on the other one), just to get me as comfortable as he could, and then he will finish both of the root canals on the 21st.  Then when he had finished that procedure, I headed down to the pain clinic, where they adjusted my apparatus (procedure #2 for the day).  Now, it only takes about 12 hours for the adjusted dose to kick in, but hey, I was just glad they fit me in.

So thanks to Rob, who after chauffering me all over the place on his veterans day off (is that not love or what?), we headed to pick up Kyle from football practice on our way home.  I was telling Rob that I didn’t think this day could get any worse, when we realized that we were not going to beat Joel’s bus home.  Now normally this would not be a problem, but Rob had Joel’s house key.  He needed to make a copy of it, (because he still had not gotten all of his personal items back that he had to leave in his office), when the Navy Yard shooting happened.  We were racing home as fast as we could when Rob informed me that he had left the rake and garbage can in the front yard, and he was sure that Joel would be raking up the leaves for him.  I scoffed at that idea,      and made a wild guess he would be sitting on the front porch listening to his music (as he never takes his ear plugs out), and has his music so loud that if you stand close enough to him, you can actually hear it.  We pulled up to the house to see his back-pack on the front porch, but no Joel.  I got a little worried for a minute, until we saw him come sauntering around the house.  I asked him what he was doing, and he said he was throwing pebbles up at my bedroom window,  in case I had decided to take a nap and forgot to unlock the door!!  We just started laughing.

We finally all got into the house, and I decided I WAS going to take that nap, because it had been a very painful day for me, and I was positive it could not get any worse.  I was just crawling into bed, when Rob came up handing me the phone.  You will never believe who was on the other end.  It was my freakin’ gynecologist reminding me that I was due for my yearly stirrup exam.  Yipee      !!  For you men out there, just think “bend and cough”.  For women it is known as “spread em”.  I must say, I couldn’t have imagined a more fantastic start to any week like I had last week, and yet it seems like it might be trying to repeat itself again this week.  I sure am hoping that the rest of this week is a little more uneventful.  I think I might go take that nap now.  ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 😉

Written by Kim Carlisle

#54….Stand Up and Do Something

                                                     

   ‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing’

     A study of a Web quota

Martin Porter

January 2002

The Henrik Hudson School District Library Media Centre provides a model essay for students which ends with the words,

Perpetrators, collaborators, bystanders, victims: we can be clear about three of these categories. The bystander, however, is the fulcrum. If there are enough notable exceptions, then protest reaches a critical mass. We don’t usually think of history as being shaped by silence, but, as English philosopher Edmund Burke said, ‘The only thing necessary for the triumph [of evil] is for good men to do nothing.’

I know many of you have heard this quote before, but I would like to apply it to the epidemic rise that we are seeing in teen suicides, and school shootings that are being attributed to the phenomenon known as “bullying”.  I know some of you get tired of hearing about the “bullying” issues, and feel that they are being addressed ad nauseam.  You may also feel that the label is used by parents or kids as an “excuse”, to explain why they can’t handle certain situations in a better or different way.  After all, we were “teased” growing up, and survived.  It didn’t seem to hurt any of us, and after all, what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, right?  The news is riddled with situations where bullying seems at the fore-front.  Just recently there was a school shooting in Nevada, and a young girl in Florida committed suicide.  Both situations were linked to bullying.

I can tell you as a parent that has dealt with these issues concerning our own sons, one cannot truly understand the severity of what happens to a child that has to endure this kind of “teasing” day after day, until you have actually lived through it.  I will tell you that it is not just ordinary “teasing”.  It is vicious, hurtful, and can completely change who a person is.  Those who are cowards, can use the internet, to further harm and damage a person while remaining anonymous.  I stood by and watched as our handsome, wonderful sons changed from being confident individuals (proud of who they were), into being insecure (not finding one thing they liked about themselves anymore), and just wanting to die.  As a parent, it just breaks your heart.  You put all your time and energy into raising confident, caring, successful young men, only to see that stripped away, and destroyed.  While in the meantime, feeling so helpless in how to help your child get through their turmoil and struggles.

One of the worst things that can happen is, when the school is made aware of what is going on, and they do NOTHING to help you or your child resolve this issue.  I know this happened to us.  It finally came to the point where we removed our boys from school, and I had to home-school them.  I home-schooled them, until we could transfer them into a better school, where the administration and teachers actually cared enough about the students to create a safe environment where bullying in any way shape or form was not tolerated.

Because our boys are on the autism spectrum, it is very hard for them to actually verbalize to us what is happening to them.  As they were being home-schooled, and felt safe, they were able to open up and share with me some of what had happened to them.  When I wrote the letter for them to have a change of school assignment, and was sending in all my documentation, I asked our son (who had endured the worst of the bullying), if he could sit down and write a letter to them explaining how he felt.  He was able to put this down in 2009.  I asked him if I could share it, and he told me that I could.  It always makes me cry when I read it, because I know it doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what he endured.

Dear MVMS,

When I started at Diamond Elementary in the 5th grade, I was very shy and quiet, but Mr. Hunter and Ms. Burney helped me to become confident, able to share my opinions in class without feeling embarrassed.  And, most importantly, I could write a great paragraph and long stories, and I could play gym and recess with the other kids without being called names.  I won the Presidential Award for Academic Excellence.  So I was very excited to go to middle school here.  And when we went to the Open House, I felt like this would be almost like Diamond.  But school stopped being fun.  I felt like I stopped going to school, instead I was going to a prison camp.  I was pushed in the hallway, called names, and worst of all, someone threw my books in the toilet.  I started home-schooling on November 14, because I just couldn’t take it anymore.  My mom and dad and brothers made me feel confident enough to try again this year.  But, as bad as 6th grade was, 7th grade was at least 10 times worse!  I had breakdowns almost every day in English because the teacher forced me into standing up in front of the class and speaking, but I couldn’t do it.  She made me stand there while the kids laughed at me, and then sent me back to my seat with a 0, and I was embarrassed and humiliated.  And when I couldn’t write a paper, I had to stay during lunch.  But I was in so big a breakdown, it lasted until right before gym.  Then when I went to gym, the other kids wouldn’t let me play and I got called names.  When I told the teachers about some of the name-calling, the kids denied it, and the teachers believed them.  So I continued to get tortured until the final week before Christmas break, because then my mom home-schooled me again.  I wasn’t in MVMS for a year, yet I don’t ever want to go through those doors again!  I want a fresh start and a new school, so I can enjoy school again.  Sincerely,  (our son)

Just last year, our son was still struggling with some self-esteem issues that have stemmed from being bullied, when I asked him a question.  I asked him what was harder to get over… what the kids called him (gay, faggot, f..ing idiot, etc.), or what they had done to him.  His answer shocked me.  He told me that it wasn’t so much what the kids had said or done, but because of the teachers.  I asked him what he meant by that.  He told me because when he asked for help, they did nothing.  So my quote I used earlier is maybe not so much geared towards the kids, but to you teachers, and adults out there.  Teachers and adults can bully just as much as other students can.  Kids learn behaviors from watching us.  We need to set the example.  The greatest tragedy that can happen when we see a kid in need, is to do nothing.  I challenge you today, to at least do something.

Written by Kim Carlisle